Two weeks.

I have been writing this post in my head for the past week, but it never felt like the right time.  But this week has proved a big healing point with me and I feel God helping me through it.  Today marks 2 weeks that my brother passed away.  It really wasn't a big surprise that he passed, but still it was devastating because you always hold out for that last strand of hope.  My brother fought a year long battle with throat cancer which then spread to his liver and lung.  In the end I believe it was the liver cancer that got him.  The last week of his life I got to spend almost every day with him, including the day he passed.  My boys even got to see him that Saturday.  I wasn't going to go in, it was a long day but something was pulling at me that I just had to go and sit with my brother.  I sat with him for 2 hours, just talking with him and praying.  That was the first day that he didn't respond to me at all, he just stared at the t.v.  He was pulling at the bed sheets and just seemed to me in pain and antsy.  I prayed right then and there out of the depth of my heart for God to take the pain away.  And an hour after I left God heard my cry and he was gone.  I just can't believe he is gone, he was always a constant in my life.  Always there when we needed anything, and always there to help whatever way he could.  He was a great guy, and as we go through his things I'm learning other things about my brother that just make me smile.  Like how he is still driving my mom nuts with all his little collections.  I can now laugh and just feel comfort that I got that last week and 28 years of my life with the best brother I could have.

And the outpouring of love and strength from friends and family is helping making this hard time easier. God has been my rock, along with Tim just being so strong for me.  Four of my windows have beautiful flowers sitting on them reminding me that I have people that care and give me strength. I have a beautiful plaque in my garden that has beautiful words to remind me of my brother.  Everyday for the past two weeks I have gotten cards in the mail.  Today one just saying that they love me, means so much.

So thank you to those that have sent something or for just keeping us in your prayers.  They are all appreciated and felt and I thank you and love you all so very much!

My brother and I from 6 years ago. :)