Growing

This year I am really stinking at keeping up with this blog.  I've only posted 18 this whole year and last year I had 69.  I guess the urge is just lost and I enjoying keeping some things to myself. 

As most of you know from facebook Phoenix got into S. June Smith preschool.  Its the one that we really were hoping for.  We know for sure that he will go Tuesday and Thursday just waiting on to see what other day.  I'm not 100% sure if I want him to go that third day as we will be continuing his therapies outside of the state funded program.  With the IU 13 its based upon his education and not so much his physical attributes, and well his physical well being is still very important to me as he still cannot sit, or walk on his own.  And with Tristen being in pre-k my time is very limited to when I can set up these appointments.  Just looking at my October schedule gives me a headache with all the stuffed shoved into it.

I often think if I'm not doing enough for both boys.  With Phoenix its all his therapies, along with the normal stuff of a three year old, teaching him to be kind, to listen and obey.  Then I also have Tristen who has been acting out more at home and while he loves his brother very much sometimes I think he does things to make him cry just so I will pay attention to him.  Not only is it very hard to raise good respectable god loving children in our time but to do it with a special needs child and other factors to raise stress sometimes I just wish there was an easy button.  But what would I learn from that.  God only gives you what you can handle, and he is testing me and showing me that I need to trust in him.  I'm one of the lucky ones, I was able to have kids and have two boys that I love more then anything.  And you know when I'm down I just tune out the world, focus on God and my family and a sense of peace overflows me.

We have started in the past 6 months going back to church, and finally have found a church that fits us perfectly.  I've never felt more welcome and accepted, they are becoming a branch of our family filling that part that was missing.  The thing that touches me the most is the opening of hearts to the boys and I.  Tonight as we had fellowship Phoenix was off wheeling around and some members were keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn't go down steps and just talking with him.  They didn't need to do that, and Phoenix has opened up to them all too.  He talks to them, plays and is showing the side of him that I know so well.  And Tristen loves it too, and has made a few good friends.  As for me, I feel more grounded I'm making some really good friendships and now have a purpose and a guideline to follow in raising my children and growing my marriage.  I'm just totally thankful and grateful :)

So here is to the future and what it may bring us....